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lights are off. geckos are having their nocturnal chats, possibly claiming their wall turf. the hum of the fan is a reminder that it’s not fall here.

finding the right spot on this strange pillow, they come.

are we up for all the waiting for it to work out?
what if we don’t get visas?
how steady will our income be, online and off?
are we crazy?
how long will it be before we tire of this guesthouse “home”?
in this uncertainty, how can we hope to have a child?
have we pushed that desire back too far? will it happen at all?
what is our plan b? c?
if international teaching is back on the table, will i be alright?
is this worth it?
is this all one big mistake?

if there were gremlins before…within the packing, the planning, the guessing and explaining.

before, when the initial elation of touching ground hit and there was brief celebration.

if there were gremlins before…

…then now, there, in the dark, right before sleep, are monsters.

and they’re vicious.

pillow image: Fraser Marr + original touch

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