The oak tree and the spruce

“Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.”
(The Prophet~Kahlil Gibran {On Marriage})

Six years ago, July 22nd, my husband and I were married under a drizzly Ontario sky. Between the small glimmering lake and the gathered rows of loved ones, we sent forth our vows in a swirl of love, hope, and promise.

Since that moment, life transported us to a few other countries for work and play. It rocked our sense of normalcy time and again. It asked us to stretch beyond our comforts, question our motives, and find our strengths. We evolved; in some ways predictable, in others unimaginable.

This is part of impermanence.

Holding onto a time, a place, a version of a relationship can limit the scope of beauty found in change. This lesson can be hard to learn. Would it not be easier if things just stayed the same?

Yet, if they did, what would that look like?
Would I have discovered my satisfaction in creating interior spaces?
Would Craig have found new health in his yoga practice?
Would we have learned to surrender to plans beyond our control?

The Gibran quote speaks to me because it reflects this idea of allowing movement and freedom in a marriage. Both are required in order to welcome shifts and change with grace and tranquility.

The passage goes on to address individuality.

“And stand together, yet not too near together:
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Although we are both Capricorns, there’s no question that Craig and I are different. I enjoy sappy  movies preferably foreign ones; he can listen to talk radio for hours. Exercise is a way of life for him; I exercise to justify my love for bread and cheese. He relishes in his time alone; I pack in social engagements.

It is important to share pastimes, goals, and beliefs. But, it is also a gift to give the other permission to be him/herself.

On this anniversary, I’d like to bring light to the honoring of differences, the allowance of space for growth, and the practice of being unfailingly supportive.

{p.s. I love you, Craig.}

  1. Marcela Avila said:

    I teared up a bit as I found inspiration in your words. May there be many more years of growth and light in your lives as a beautiful couple. Happy anniversary.

  2. Oh wow I love this post, the idea of individuality as a couple really speaks to me.

  3. Yes, me too. I’ve experienced relationships where that gets lost in one person. I think having a balance is super important. This is something we work on. Thanks for stopping by, Ayngelina.

  4. Holly said:

    Just beautiful. Wonderfully written, perfect sentiment. Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!

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